It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
