if i died would you start the facebook group?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
