I faked an abortion last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
