I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
