You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
