He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
