Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
