'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
