So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
