Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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