Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
