this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
