I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
