I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
