im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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