I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had sex on a roof
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
