I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
