i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
