It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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