did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
