He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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