Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
