Pants 0. Shit 1.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
