we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
