lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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