remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
