Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The uberlube is also flammable
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
