I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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