She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All the doctor said was why
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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