apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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