Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
