420 ftw
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
