All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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