So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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