I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
