Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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