I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize