are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
