hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
