He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
