I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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