Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
