jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
