My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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