Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
