tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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