i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
