i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
