shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
