Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
