Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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