Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
