I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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