HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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