you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
