I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
