Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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