Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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