She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
