In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is Oprah even human
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
