so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
