Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
