My hand turned me down
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You left your phone here
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