doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
