i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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