He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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