Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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