i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
