Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
