I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
