i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
