She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
