She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
