so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
