That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
