there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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